Vatsayana on the dining table

The other day I was watching Julia Roberts and Richard Gere starrer ‘The Pretty Woman’. Of course, on numerous occasions I have enjoyed that seemingly unassuming, and almost innocently portrayed story and when I have nothing better coming up, I loyally turn to the pretty woman (pun intended, of course!) And every time I sit through the movie, it is an experience!!

This time around I was fascinated at the human touch Richard Gere portrays in an otherwise ‘devoid of feelings’ characterization of his role of the ‘take-over tycoon’. So, I rewound the movie and brought it to catch the reason… The dinner where he is in the company discussing the serious details, getting threatened by a gutsy yet apparently defeated old horse facing certain defeat…And here is this apparently unsophisticated girl going through her first formal dinner and what more… Trying to wrestle through a plate of clams… You all would remember how the story goes.

But this particular scene set me thinking. Primarily because as a part time grooming consultant & trainer, it happens to be my job to assist and train professionals in the nitty gritty of various forms of behaviour, over the dining table and off it too!

Sometimes people ask me as to why it is necessary to learn to eat like the Englishman. I personally feel that if one has to go by sheer numbers, then I suppose the rest of the world should either begin to learn to eat with chopsticks or royally and equally joyously use one’s fingers to eat the ‘Parathas’ or slurp the typical south flavoured ‘Anna – Saaru’.

But regardless of what I or thousands of others who may be inclined to think like me, we all toe the line. And then I see numerous shades of etiquette as I travel far and wide from one destination to another. The stiff upper lip may not be as visible as in the heart of London, but some amount of smirk, some amount of ‘holier-than-thou’ or at least some degree of curve to that lip in a patronizing manner is always there to assure you that you are not free to enjoy your dinner.

On a number of occasions, I find the food so appetizing yet the manner in which my host expects me to eat that I wonder if they have really invited me over for the sake of hospitality or whether there is an ulterior motive in cahoots with my family that I should never feel the urge to put on some decent weight. 

But despite all the tribulations of formal lunches and dinners not to mention the liquid enjoyment, I have always been fascinated by the innumerable forms and equally myriad formalities that surround this simple and supposedly nourishing act for which I suppose the human race has always toiled.

With due respect (you may call it patriotism of a kind) let me begin with some Indian manners…

We always smirk at the way others eat. One region calling names to another till we come back one full circle to speak how great our very own ways are…with swollen chests!

So, it is natural (in the context of our constant smirking at others) that we all ‘non-south-Indians’ curl our lips in disgust at the way the South Indians eat… Making balls of their rice and in one practiced motion let them fly into the mouth one after another glorious mouthfuls. Believe me, I have tried on umpteen occasions to emulate that soft and subtle swing of the wrist and yet all attempts have been in vain. So much so that these days my wife is wary of serving me rice unless she sits down to supervise over me lest I begin that childish play (according to her knowledgeable observation). But before I gave up on being good at the way (not that I have succeeded till date), I asked my mother in law (yes, my wife is a Kannadiga) only to get an answer that opened my eyes to something beyond the seemingly yuck way (to a non-accustomed ‘non-south-Indian’ eye).

She said, “Vishwas, this plate you eat out of is a Patra” and believe me when he uttered that word Patra so that I do not miss the connotation that bordered on the pious, “that gives you FOOD” (again I noticed the same connotation). She went on, “how could you put your fingers in your mouth and subsequently put the same fingers into that Patra...?” I got the message!  Culture, if one is mentally agile enough to understand these subtle nuances that make each of these myriad cultures adorable in themselves; the simple acts of eating would surpass even the beauty felt by the great Vatsayana in other human activities. I sometimes wonder if the great Vatsayana would have felt compelled to record the various eating habits per culture the human race could have also been enlightened in yet another social science.

But then, who am I to talk about what method is the best and well respected? Because in any case it does not matter to those who are either eccentric or care a damn, how they eat and how others perceive them.

Bon Appétit!

Author : Vishwas Vaishampayan